The food … Or the wine … Or the little crucible of mixed nuts that they give you that are [wait for it!] warmed. Warmed legumes, third-tier vintage wine, and a gourmet meal–these are now a few of my favorite things.
I used to be a great flier until I met Elissa. One too many flights with her at threat-level “scream” and I have become a bit of a jittery flier. You know what’s good for that? Warmed legumes, third-tier vintage wine, and a gourmet meal. After a full bottle of their local Cab, I nearly fell asleep standing in front of the commode in the latrine while the plane shook like rabid, Jack Russell terrier (bred for killing animals with a powerful shake of its neck). People outside the latrine were audibly gasping, but I was too enamoured with the size of my enormous ears! Have they always been that plump?
Here is a picture of my delicious meal. I was beyond skeptical–Eggs?! Shrimp?! with plane food?? But look how red the tomatoes are!
For anyone who wants to know the stats of crashing on a plane, here is a site that lists a bunch of statistics. Most surprising? That birds crash so many planes each year, forget avian flu, this is the real wing’d threat of the skies; also, don’t fly Russian airlines. As a companion piece, here is the real story (on non-story) behind where on the plane is the safest place to sit (answer: on the ground).