As many of you know, Law School and I have been working out some issues. I think we might be pushing out of the tunnel and into the light!
Law School Love Letters
October 1st, 2007
Dear Law School.
This will be the last GMail I write to you.
I think it’s best that we stop seeing each other. We tried to make it work, but I really think it’s best if we just make a clean break. It’s the only way that we will reasonably be made whole. Haha. I will miss these little, legal jokes with you.
P.S. I know people always say it, but I mean it when I say it’s not you, it’s me. I hope you end up with someone great.
October 8th, 2007, 8:32 a.m.
Dear Law School.
I know I said previously that I would not write you again, but as it turns out I am missing NY Giants thumb drive with red lanyard. Have you seen it? I may have left it in the Baker Trial Room. Can you GChat me if you find it? … I promised myself I wouldn’t say anything, but it seems like years since we broke up. I firmly believe it was for the best. If it softens the blow, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to love again.
October 8th, 2007, 9:17 p.m.
Dear Law School,
Ha! Around my neck the whole time! Can you believe that? If I didn’t have my head screwed on—hahaha! …
But you know all that, don’t you? You always “got” me.
You know, I think about you at night sometimes. Do you think about me?
October 12th, 2007
What up, LS?
Anyway, so I never heard back from you on GChat In re: the whole thumb drive thing. Just wanted to make sure that you knew you didn’t have to look for it anymore because it was hanging around my neck. I know, I know: sooo me.
I think you should GChat me just to make sure it is still working. Our connection, I mean. Well, not our soulful connection… you know what I mean (you always did ☺).
Thinking of you,
October 15th, 2007
I’m trying to be civil about our dissolution. However, it is imperative you contact me via GChat so that I can verify that we can still reach each other in case of a crisis or emergency.
Our very lives may be at stake.
October 21st, 2007
Are you trying to hurt me? Well, sorry to disappoint you, but I am enjoying life so much it’s unreal. I have my eye on an MFA in Creative writing. There has been an interest from Business School, too. Looks like you’re not the only one moving on.
Look, I’m sorry if this hurts you, but we both knew this day would come. I need to be my own man, and by implication that means without you.
Nobody’s gonna rain on MY parade!
October 28th, 2007
There is the small matter of a Bert and Ernie costume rental. I mean, I already paid the down payment a month ago, so I have this perfectly good costume and can’t very well go be Bert by myself, can I? That would look weird. People would think I was going as “jaundice”, and as I learned before, there’s nothing very funny about jaundice. LOL!
If you’re into it, I guess we could just go together … not a date or anything. Just two old friends reminiscing. I could tell you about the MFA Program … J/K!!! To tell you the truth, it doesn’t look like that is going to pan out.
You have my Gmail. It’s really weird I haven’t heard from you on GChat. I am going to write an email to the Dean and see if facilities can check the internet connection in here. That would be the weirdest thing if something was blocking just yours and mine’s GChat. Wacky!
Your best bud,
October 30th, 2007, 8:15 a.m.
Oogah woogah, Loopy Schmoopy,
Do you have the elements of libel? My uncle needs them.
October 31st, 2007, 9:12 a.m.
By the way,
I just wanted to let you know if you give me the elements, I’ll be sure to say the whole, “I’m not a lawyer. Don’t construe what I say as legal advice” disclaimer thingy.
October 31st, 2007, 11:14 a.m.
I ran home as soon as I could get out of the bank. Isn’t it weird how you’re on-line here in NYC, but you’re in-line in the West? Did some comedian do that bit? It’s certainly an observation RIFE for comedic analysis!
Can’t wait to hear from you!
October 31st, 2:05 p.m.
This is a test message. If you are not the intended recipient (Law School), please email me back and let me know. It is a federal crime to interfere with internet mail (I think). I’m a law student, so don’t screw with me. Well, I was. You know, it’s a long story. Don’t worry about it.
October 31st, 4:59 p.m.
Hahaha. If this were a business transaction, you’d be making me sweat. Um, just so you know, Halloween is pretty soon. Let me know.
October 31st, 2007, 10:03 p.m.
I’m gonna put the Bert costume on and just meet you down at the bar. Don’t even worry about calling me, I’ll have the Ernie costume in my car. I mean, you can give me a call just to let me know you’re on your way. Or even, just call the bar if my phone isn’t working or something … You know, you may not even be able to get a car. It might be better if I come pick you up.
I’ll see you in a few!
This is the first moment of the rest of our lives!
Your man, Sam!